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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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On this day

May 8: National Bad Hair Day (Estonia)

1359 - Pantaloons are invented. Could shoes with pointy tips be far behind?
1865 - The first nomination of Popeye the Sailorman for sainthood is turned down by the Vatican. (pictured)
1914 - Errors in year length calculations results in three months of 1913 being lived through all over again.
1919 - Warren G. Harding moistens a finger before he fingers a page.
1945 - V-E Day, victory in Europe. France unconditionally surrenders to US troops, paving the way for the construction of EuroDisney.
1952 - DDT is recommended as the next no-calorie sweetener.
1960 - Billy Graham Crusade catastrophe: "Go into the fields, Ruth; the rapers shall not molest you."
1982 - Abolition of the fixed turnip/gold exchange rate is endorsed by the American government.
1989 - Bay City Rollers: we're still mad for plaid!
2007 - An upsurge in dad jokes causes hundreds of Millennial fatalities from head desks.
2012 - Lightsaber invented. An overwhelming influx of nerd-gasms cause suicide rates to triple worldwide, as auto-erotic asphyxiation takes on a new form.
2042 - The golem device is invented to instantly cure over-sexiness.

Today's featured picture

To Determine the Motion of a Cat with a Slice of Buttered Toast Strapped to its Back: Let F_c be the attractive forces of each of the cat's feet to the carpeting (not shown), and let F_bt be the net rotational torque imposed by the carpeting upon the buttered side of the toast. By the 42nd proposition of Murphy's Laws, the system will begin to rotate in a counterclockwise fashion, causing the cat (C) to experience a large measure of confusion. The partially-melted butter (B), which is adhered to the toast (T) by comparatively weak Van der Waals forces, is overwhelmed by the large centrifugal fictional force, causing it to splatter all over the place (P). The spinning cat and toast (C+T), having thus divested itself of surplus butter, will then experience tidal drag within the Earth's gravitational field until such time as rotational equilibrium is restored.

Image credit: Xenonex

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