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There are currently 37,245 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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May 28: International Celebration of Belly Button Lint
- A Long Time Ago - Satan was born without a belly button but with lint.
- 1515 - Marco Polo discovers belly button lint during his travel to China.
- 1516 - Marco Polo returns to Italy with several tons of belly button lint.
- 1590 - Doubts arise about the true origins of Marco Polo's belly button lint.
- 1781 - Hip Hop is forbidden by Pope B.J. IV. The prohibition lasts until 1998; its ending triggers the renaissance of hip hop.
- 1854 - Pasteur discovers a method to identify belly button lint, but he is murdered by Marco Polo heirs who want to keep their monopoly.
- 1855 - Angry Pasteur followers march to Italy seeking for revenge, ravaging the city, raving mad.
- 1953 - Dupont synthesizes belly button lint for the first time; product sales go sky high.
- 1979 - The first sighting of an extremely rare belly button lint & tumbleweed crossbreed is sighted by an old man in a ghost town. He falls asleep shortly after.
- 1984 - Belly button lint damages Space Shuttle controls, leaving the ship marooned in space.
- 2004 - Iraq acknowledges having huge amounts of belly button lint hidden in secret silos.
- 2005 - China sues Italy for reparations for belly button lint allegedly plundered by "imperialist capitalist pig dogs" in the Middle Ages. Italian courts deny all knowledge of these so-called "Middle Ages."
- 2005 - Transformers land on Earth, dance to Weird Al Yankovic and introduce the phrase "Bah Weep Graaagnah Wheep Ni Ni Bong" to Americans, and leave later that day to make way for Akira.
- 2026 - IB Maths students rebel, take over the world and ban the use of numbers in digit form in order to save the lives of future students.
- 2027 - IB Maths rebels are awarded Nobel Peace Prize for saving the lives of countless IB students.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
You now only have 3, goddamit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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