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Today's featured article – Rastadon

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The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.

The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)

Previously featured article – The Addams Family

Gomez Addams.jpg

The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)

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Special Offerts!!

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May 14: Sky's the Limit Day, Fat Guys in Spandex Festival San Francisco, California USA.

  • 468 BCE - Sky colour declared blue by Greek philosophers.
  • 49 BCE - Sky declared grey by the Roman Republic in order to provoke the Greeks into a fight.
  • 1953 - Sky Masterson, a character from the musical Guys and Dolls, is played by Marlon Brando.
  • 1973 - Skylab, the United States' first space station, is launched. It will take a dozen Druids to keep it in orbit.
  • 1979 - Skylight, the glass thing in my goddamned roof, is greatly expanded by Skylab's wonderful return to Earth. Dammit.
  • 1981 - Demise of the International Dark-Sky Association.
  • 2005 - Skynet is founded by Marlon Brando, utilizing power module and microchips from a crashed Skylab, and broken glass from some guy's skylight.
  • 2006 - Marlon Brando dies in a skydiving accident.
  • 2007 - Bill Gates hits puberty.
  • 2009 - Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd, declares free money for all.
  • 2010 - Puberty sues Bill Gates for 'unbelievable infliction of emotional distress and disgusting zits'; asks $500 billion.
  • 2012 - Marlon Brando's remains explode, with debris landing as far away as Johannesburg, South Africa.
  • 2014 - The Moon sues Bill Gates because doing nothing but orbiting the earth constantly for billions of years is well and truly boring. It seeks all money on Earth or a PC to play on while orbiting.
  • 2525 - I lost my keys again :(
  • 2990 - Lost keys are located in Howard Beach at the social club of an Italian "Gentleman of Honor" who prefers to remain anonymous.

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This is a great teaching from your doctor.

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  • ... if at first you don't succeed, keep hitting the refresh button?


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YOU ARE THE 100000!! VISITOR OF THIS PAGE!!! YOU WON!! HERE ARE ANOTHER WINENRS

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


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