Expletive
“GO SUCK A BUGGER OFF!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your INBRED is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your anger.
Complete Unabridged history of DAMNATION use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age (in a drab manner) touched his DUMBASS clitoris and was so dissatisfied by the results that he constructed a PRICK and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the raging scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their COCKSHITTER mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of CUNTSWILLING-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a GIVING HEAD for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say DIPSHIT. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted BUGGER OFF until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody BEAVER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some SHITSLINGING, do you savvy, you BUTT-HEADS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie FUCKTARDS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called POTTYMOUTH-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey BITCH, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real TITTYWANK PISS ARTIST dead flounders on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- FUCKING!!!
- ALF!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You WETBACK!!!
- You COON!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- analyze in SAGGY TITS, you PUSSYLICKER!
- I hope you accentuate in GYPSY, you FUCK YOU!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This WANK CHAV will fumble a salad fork up your SHITE!!!
- This REDNECK FUCK will write a pencil up your JERRY!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some BLUMPKIN and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING dance a buffalo up your CLIT!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- SUGARTITS 30 CASES OF PICKLES JACKASS FUCK OFF ASSHOLE TRANNY MALARKY!!
- ASS O KURWA! DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! I'LL RAPE YOU!!!
A bunch of DAMMIT[edit]
ASS LICKER FLYING FUCK DICKFACE WANK FUCK SHITBALLS COMMUNIST DILDO CAMEL JOCKEY IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! BALLS BASTARD MY ANUS IS BLEEDING BUTT PIRATE TOWELHEAD FUCKFACE LOLLIPOPS BUGFUCK BALL SACK BITCH VENEREAL DISEASE COLONEL CLUSTER FUCK GOOK AMERICA ONLINE MOTHERFUCKER MOTHERFUCKER SHIT SCUMBAG I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL PRICK HELLFUCKER NIGNOG FUCKFACE MY COUSIN AND I TOUCHED WIENERS POOPOO pen0r SHITTY CHIGGER SON OF A BITCH BULLSHIT DOUCHE NAZI WETBACK BASTARD JESSE McCARTNEY SON OF A BITCH CUNNILINGUS MOTHERFUCKER SHITFUCKER SHITPISSER FUCKING A DICK JERK OFF COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT ARSE AUTOFELLATIO TITTIES FUCKFACE CUNTBUCKET DOUCHE TAMPONS GO COUNT YOUR DICK DILDO GYPSY REDNECK AUTOFELLATIO LET'S SHIT PICKANINNY DILDO PISS FUCKSTAIN SHITBALLS POMMIE POLAK SHITSLINGING TITMOUSE LAKE TITICACA FUCKWIT CHAV PUSSY PISS CHIGGER SHIT TRANNY YOU WANKER JENKEM COMMUNION WAFER PISS STEVE BALLMER PEDOPHILIA JERK OFF CUNTYMINTS FRIG MACACA CUNNILINGUS JIGGABOO BOYCOTT VIACOM! FUCKSTAIN WOODPECKERSHIT GOLLY GEE WILLIKERS ASSHAT Expletive ON WHEELS!! CUNT DOUCHING MOZILLA FIREFOX MONKEY SHIT lowercase BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you POWERSHIT.