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There are currently 37,243 souls in our warehouse.
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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May 21: Appreciation Day Appreciation Day (America)
- 1453 - Hundred Years' War finally ends. France win after a penalty shoot-out.
- 1587 - The Puritans sit down with the Native Americans and appreciate the hospitality. The Native Americans do not appreciate the smallpox.
- 1874 - Husbands in New York appreciate New York's one and only Your Husband's Penis Appreciation Day.
- 1905 - The Japanese fleet destroys the Russian fleet in the Battle of Tsushima. Japanese sailors appreciate the target practice and Russian sailors appreciate the floating debris on which to cling.
- 1937 - The first Volkswagen rolls off the assembly line. Germans appreciate how easy the cars are to push every time it rains and stalls out the engine.
- 1956 - Patrick Batemen beats his own record for number of prostitutes killed in one night (36).
- 1987 - German Mathias Rust flies his private plane unchallenged from Finland to Moscow's Red Square. He appreciates the sloppiness of Russia's air defenses for not shooting him down as well as the passable food in prison.
- 1991 - President George H.W. Bush declares May 21st Appreciation Day Appreciation Day, making it the first day of appreciation to appreciate itself.
- 2004 - Che Guevara rises from the dead only to see his image as the label of capitalist corporation. His brain catches on fire.
- 2011 - God doesn't rain Hell on Earth.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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