Babel:Pathos

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Today's featured article – Rastadon

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The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.

The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)

Previously featured article – The Addams Family

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The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)

Lies Did you Know?

*... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
  • ... on the nth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a total of Did you know-nth day of Christmas.png gifts?
  • ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
  • ... on the nth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a total of Did you know-nth day of Christmas.png gifts?
  • ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
  • ... on the nth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a total of Did you know-nth day of Christmas.png gifts?
  • ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?

Lies recently told In the news

On this day nothing happened...

Viva la revolution my ass!

May 21: Appreciation Day Appreciation Day (America)

  • 1453 - Hundred Years' War finally ends. France win after a penalty shoot-out.
  • 1587 - The Puritans sit down with the Native Americans and appreciate the hospitality. The Native Americans do not appreciate the smallpox.
  • 1874 - Husbands in New York appreciate New York's one and only Your Husband's Penis Appreciation Day.
  • 1905 - The Japanese fleet destroys the Russian fleet in the Battle of Tsushima. Japanese sailors appreciate the target practice and Russian sailors appreciate the floating debris on which to cling.
  • 1937 - The first Volkswagen rolls off the assembly line. Germans appreciate how easy the cars are to push every time it rains and stalls out the engine.
  • 1956 - Patrick Batemen beats his own record for number of prostitutes killed in one night (36).
  • 1987 - German Mathias Rust flies his private plane unchallenged from Finland to Moscow's Red Square. He appreciates the sloppiness of Russia's air defenses for not shooting him down as well as the passable food in prison.
  • 1991 - President George H.W. Bush declares May 21st Appreciation Day Appreciation Day, making it the first day of appreciation to appreciate itself.
  • 2004 - Che Guevara rises from the dead only to see his image as the label of capitalist corporation. His brain catches on fire.
  • 2011 - God doesn't rain Hell on Earth.

Today's featured eyesore picture


[vote]

DaliStache.jpg

DaliStache.jpg - 25.5 total votes ( 27.5 / 2 )
DaliStache.jpg

You want surreal? Try wasting four hours a day waxing your 'stache until it closely resembles your entire Catalonian name. That's surreal.

Image credit: Imrealized

Recent Articles that are all crappy

Kristi Noem (pictured) | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism | UnTunes:I'm Just Ten | Taylor Swift | Praey for the gods‎‎ | Henry Kissinger | Sandra Day O'Connor | Battle for Dream Island | Rastadon | Quintana Roo | Digestive system | The Sims 4 | Ahsoka (TV series) | King Charles II | The Man from U.N.C.L.E.‎‎ | Antimony | William Pitt the Elder


More recent crap articles | Most hated wanted pages | Requested deletions rewrites | Add nothing to stubs | Lonely pages that don't want any friends | Pee On Yourself Review | Try to fail at writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push off a cliff

Writer of crap and Noob that we don't care about of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


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