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There are currently 37,251 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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June 10: Try a New Type of Crappy Food Day, Processed Food Product Appreciation Day
- 31964 BCE - World population reaches 15.
- 31963 BCE - Earth's population becomes 14.5 after strange boulder incident occurs.
- 31962 BCE - Space hobos forced back into ocean once and for all, there is much rejoicing.
- 69 CE - A new way of having sex is invented although not the 69, oddly enough. It was the much less popular 1^1^1, which never really caught on.
- 1932 - Harlem renaissance poet Langston Hughes writes the first Yo momma joke.
- 1979 - Hershey's releases their first non-candy effort, Hugs. (pictured) It does not prove to be popular, as most people are found trying it only once.
- 1992 - The Cherokee Nation becomes extinct due to overpopulation of Grue.
- 2005 - Rosie O'Donnell explodes from over-eating again. Out of 9 lives she now only has one left.
- 2006 - Wayne Rooney kicks a football on live television – crowd goes wild.
- 2007 - The second coming of Elvis occurs. First words are 'I was just kidding everybody...uh huh.'
- 2007 - David Letterman tells something funny. A local black community want him on the KFC menu.
- 2007 - The King's second drug problem is revealed when he is found dead at a Toronto convenience store near the cave he was hiding in.
- 2007 - Pete Sampras declared world's first lead-eating champion by default after being held up in traffic for tournament duration.
- 2010 - First koala goes to the Moon, makes a thrilling scientific discovery and wins the Nobel Prize. Everyone makes 'Aww...' noises. Nine thousand disillusioned koalas top themselves.
- 2016 - The Colonel's recipe of eleven herbs and spices is accidentally revealed, exposing the two-thousand-year-old Illuminati/space alien/Bush/Clinton conspiracy to control the world's supply of food that comes in buckets.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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