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Today's Least Interesting Article
Today's featured article – Rastadon
The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.
The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)
The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)
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The future
May 21: Appreciation Day Appreciation Day (America)
- 1453 - Hundred Years' War finally ends. France win after a penalty shoot-out.
- 1587 - The Puritans sit down with the Native Americans and appreciate the hospitality. The Native Americans do not appreciate the smallpox.
- 1874 - Husbands in New York appreciate New York's one and only Your Husband's Penis Appreciation Day.
- 1905 - The Japanese fleet destroys the Russian fleet in the Battle of Tsushima. Japanese sailors appreciate the target practice and Russian sailors appreciate the floating debris on which to cling.
- 1937 - The first Volkswagen rolls off the assembly line. Germans appreciate how easy the cars are to push every time it rains and stalls out the engine.
- 1956 - Patrick Batemen beats his own record for number of prostitutes killed in one night (36).
- 1987 - German Mathias Rust flies his private plane unchallenged from Finland to Moscow's Red Square. He appreciates the sloppiness of Russia's air defenses for not shooting him down as well as the passable food in prison.
- 1991 - President George H.W. Bush declares May 21st Appreciation Day Appreciation Day, making it the first day of appreciation to appreciate itself.
- 2004 - Che Guevara rises from the dead only to see his image as the label of capitalist corporation. His brain catches on fire.
- 2011 - God doesn't rain Hell on Earth.
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